Lightning McQueen Kills Himself and Then Some of The Avengers
by LightngMcQueen'sCarlessWhisper
Summary: The superstar racer meet his unfortunate doom. Or does he? It turns out taking down The Avengers on his own is going to be a struggle. Thanos is going to find a new, fast and red sidekick. In a spellbinding tale that will give you whiplash who will find out: who is dead and who is not. Try to keep up.


Lightning McQueen forced himself out of his pit. He wasn't gonna stop, he's not old. He can win. Lightning used all of his might to make himself go faster. He felt something explode within him. His single, giant windshield eye grew wide. "Aw fiddlesticks." muttered the racer. He careened to the left and slammed into the wall of the race track. He flew up towards the left. He began to quietly sing Ave Maria to himself. He slammed against the pavement then flew back up. Sparks flew and left scorch marks on the road. He soared further and collided with the hard ground again. Fluid and car parts flew everywhere. Red paint was scraping on the ground. He bounced a few times and finally skidded to a stop, barely still in tact. His giant eye was closed. His tongue was flopped out of his mouth like an old carpet. One one tire remained on his body. His girlcar Sally drove towards him as quickly as she could, tears of wiper fluid streaming down her hood. Mater rushed to his friends side. He was frowning so hard his stupid gigantic teeth scraped across the asphalt. A forklift named Jermaine came forward and touched fork to McQueen's engine, which was exposed. Jermaine turned and shook his upper half. Sally gasped. Mater gasped. The other cars gasped. The firetruck cried.

Lightning McQueen was dead.

* * *

The Radiator Springs car church was packed with all like twelve cars that actually cared about Lightning McQueen. Sally was wearing a black veil over her windshield. Lightning McQueen's mutilated body sat in a car coffin towards the front. Each car went up one by one to gaze their windshield upon what was left of the racing superstar. Finally, Mater went up to speak.

"Dad gum" the tow truck said, "McQueen's really gone." He whipped his hook across the lower half of his windshield to wipe the wiper fluid away. The hook caught onto the side of his windshield. He tried to wriggle it free end ended up forcing the point part in. "AAAAAAAHH" he cried. Mater spun around and knocked over the car podium he was behind. He backed up and knocked McQueen's car coffin over. The body fell out and it broke apart a little bit more. A piece of his bumper landed on Sally's hood and she howled. Mater shoved into the dead car's body, attempting to push it back into the coffin. He ended up chipping his teeth into McQueen's window and shattered it. A piece of glass flew up and ledged itself in his engine. The tow truck sneezed a powerful sneeze and sent the dead red racer flying back into the coffin. The coffin titled back down into its normal position. Mater swept some of the broken glass under a rug and returned to his speech.

"We went tractor tippin' together" he snorted, "He was so darn cool. He once said I was the bomb." The rusty tow truck was a blubbering mess at this point. He drove back to his spot in the audience.

Fillmore approached the podium, "Hey guys, I got some nice deals on organic materials at my hut, buy one get one 30% off, come on down!" Fillmore returned to his spot.

Luigi got up, sniffling a little bit "I think it's time." They all exchanged looks. None of them wanted to be the first to start heading out. Guido zipped forward and shoved his forks under one end of the coffin. He yelled out for someone to grab the other end and pull from behind in Italian or whatever language he speaks. Mater narrowed his eyes. He was the world's best backwards driver. He pulled up to the other side and sunk his teeth into the coffin. He grunted as he failed to pull it along.

"But Mater" said another car that was there at the funeral, "you're a tow truck"

Mater chuckled, tooth still in coffin, "Shooot, you right." He turned around and latched onto the coffin.

The cars brought the coffin to the Radiator Springs graveyard and they buried him.

* * *

Later that night, the graveyard was empty. A soft mound of sand sat in front of a gravestone. It read: "Here lies Lightning McQueen. Whenever he was manufactured or birthed by another car or something - 2017 I guess. Kachow"

Suddenly, the sand began to move. A single tire shot up from the sand.

LIGHTNING MCQUEEN WILL RETURN IN AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

* * *

Thanos approaches the Infinity Gauntlet. He inserts his hand and makes a fist. "Fine" he says, "I'll do it myself".

"Hey bud, you need any help?" said a light and annoying voice. Thanos turned around to see a red race car with a big set of eyes for a windshield standing behind him.

"Who are you?" Thanos asked very confused.

McQueen posed, shining the light from the sticker into Thanos' eyes. Thanos raised the gauntlet to block it. "I'm Lightning McQueen. Kachow!"

Thanos froze. Did he just say…...kachow? He lowered his gauntlet and looked into the car's windshield eyes. How did this car know that word? He had made it up when he was in kindergarten. All of the other kids had made fun of him and said that it was stupid. And here was this car saying that word. Kachow. This car was here for a reason.

Thanos kneeled down with the intent of putting his gauntlet bearing hand on McQueen's shoulder. He awkwardly let his hand hover while he realized he didn't have a shoulder and searched for another platonic area to touch the car as a symbol of friendship. He pressed his hand onto his hood and the car sneezed. Startled, Thanos fell backwards onto his bottom.

"Oh, sorry about that pal" said McQueen.

Thanos grinned, "How would you like to be my right hand man?"

McQueen looked puzzled.

"Right hand car?"

The car frowned.

"Right tire car?"

McQueen grinned, "You bet I would!"

Thanos stood up and grinned. He held up his gauntlet triumphantly. McQueen revved his engine. Together they proclaimed "KACHOW!"

* * *

Mater had gotten up bright and early so he could visit his ex-best friend's grave. He had somehow managed to make a hat out of scrap metal to put on his gravestone. One his friend's resting place was in full view he shrieked. There was a big hole in the ground. Inside it was an open coffin. Nothing was inside of it.

"Dad gum," Mater gulped. He swung around to go tell the others.

* * *

Spider-Man jumped as a portal opened behind him. He dug his heels into the red sand and wheeled around.

"Hey, Tony," said Peter in a small voice.

Tony Stark looked over his shoulder and froze. This was it. Finally, it was time to face off with Thanos. "It's go time boys!" he called. He clicked a button on his watch and an Iron Man suit formed around him.

Dr. Strange, Ant Man and Peter Quill all turned to face the portal. They heard a rumble from the otherside. They all prepared themselves for Thanos.

The rumbling began to grow louder and louder. Suddenly, and red streak flew out of the portal and landed in front of the heroes with a thud. "KACHOW!" the car exclaimed as he blinded Dr. Strange with his sticker.

Tony Stark lowered his guard, "You gotta be kidding me right? What the heck is this?"

"Speed!" shouted the car, "I am speed!" Lighting charged toward Star-Lord and knocked him over. His mask flew off and fell into the sand. Quill screamed in agony and McQueen began to drive over him. The car stopped with his back left tire on Quill's face.

"I eat loser for breakfast!" roared the car. He spun his back wheels and fast as he could. Quill screamed for a second. Then there was nothing left to scream. McQueen jumped off the reveal he had shredded away his face. Only Star-Lord's skull was left.

A furious and shrunken Ant Man began to advance towards the car. McQueen did not see him and drove in his direction. The was a soft squish and Scott Lang was no more. Dr. Strange was on the ground rubbing his eyes, still trying to recover from the Kachow sticker. The car turned towards Spider-Man.

"Oh please, don't kill me!" pleaded Peter. McQueen opened his mouth as wide as it could and charged at Peter. He swallowed Peter whole. Doctor Strange finally got his sight back and saw that half the group was already beaten. He quickly made a portal and jumped through it.

Only Iron Man remained.

"Hey, Kachow, you just killed some very important people."

The car rolled his eye, "Psssh, yeah right. I bet they haven't even won Piston Cups?"

Tony frowned, "I'm sorry, they did what in their cups?"

Suddenly, Thanos emerged from the portal. Tony took a step back.

"Alright, I'm getting outta here." muttered Tony. Iron Man began to fly away. Thanos got inside of Lightning McQueen and drove him forward. There's no way Stark was going to get away. Unfortunately, Stark was getting away.

"Go faster you idiot!" demanded Thanos.

"Hey buddy, I've won a Piston Cup, I'm already going pretty darn fast!"

"Not fast enough!" said Thanos. He purple guy leaped out and McQueen and started to run on foot.

"No you don't!" cried McQueen. The car lurched forward in an attempt to get his friend back. Thanos' leg got stuck between McQueen's tire and his body. The leg snapped off. McQueen panicked and tried to stop, but he landed on Thanos' neck. He heard a terrible snap. Thanos was dead. Wiper fluid poured down McQueen's hood. The car cradled his purple face with his tire. He best friend was gone. He looked up to see Tony Stark getting away.

"I am going to kill the Avengers if it's the last thing I do!" cried McQueen.

 _ **TO BE CONTINUED….**_


End file.
